I was having a conversation with someone the other day. She was upset because she was off track from her "life plan." Where she was in her life was different than what she had designed for herself at the age of 10. Or so she said. the most planning I have ever done would be deciding what to have for dinner.
I don't feel guilty about this kind of thing. I suppose there is a small part of me that is completely unnerved by the idea that I have no long term vision for myself, no over-arching ideal for the direction of my life. At other times, I think that i would have to hesitate calling it living if I had decided what every facet of my experience would be like. There is a sense among people that you can either create the experience or just let it happen as you go along. After all, life is what happens when you are making other plans (John Lennon). I doubt that any control is ever really exerted. You can manipulate things so that you believe you have actually achieved some change, but to think that you actually focused enough that you changed the direction and temperment of your living experience? That's borderline God complex.
I suppose taht if you were born into a family with enough money/power/influence you could affect soical change. I mean - look at GW. That's a load of hooey. But what does that matter to an everyday person. On a daily basis I think that you are affronted with a million choices that can change and affect single human beings on a personal and emotional level. That is "power." that is the beauty of interaction.
Wait- am I contradicting myself?
Maybe.
You can exert change over yourself and others in a positive and negative way. But to imply that you can havea "life plan" borders on absurd. I mean, to limit yourself form experiencing different things because whatever comes up might not adhere to what it is you want to accomplish is a little ....well....dumb.
I hope this doesn't sound defensive. I have just never wnated to limit an experience because of something I thought I ought to be doing, Then again, I have never allowed myself to "experience" a life plan because I thought they were dumb. I hate myself and how I write sometimes.
I don't feel guilty about this kind of thing. I suppose there is a small part of me that is completely unnerved by the idea that I have no long term vision for myself, no over-arching ideal for the direction of my life. At other times, I think that i would have to hesitate calling it living if I had decided what every facet of my experience would be like. There is a sense among people that you can either create the experience or just let it happen as you go along. After all, life is what happens when you are making other plans (John Lennon). I doubt that any control is ever really exerted. You can manipulate things so that you believe you have actually achieved some change, but to think that you actually focused enough that you changed the direction and temperment of your living experience? That's borderline God complex.
I suppose taht if you were born into a family with enough money/power/influence you could affect soical change. I mean - look at GW. That's a load of hooey. But what does that matter to an everyday person. On a daily basis I think that you are affronted with a million choices that can change and affect single human beings on a personal and emotional level. That is "power." that is the beauty of interaction.
Wait- am I contradicting myself?
Maybe.
You can exert change over yourself and others in a positive and negative way. But to imply that you can havea "life plan" borders on absurd. I mean, to limit yourself form experiencing different things because whatever comes up might not adhere to what it is you want to accomplish is a little ....well....dumb.
I hope this doesn't sound defensive. I have just never wnated to limit an experience because of something I thought I ought to be doing, Then again, I have never allowed myself to "experience" a life plan because I thought they were dumb. I hate myself and how I write sometimes.
posted by Ben at 7:12 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home