Listening To A Long December by Counting Crows
Let it just be said that I have repeatedly risen at 6:30 AM here in Los Angeles. Not the most pleasurable feeling. I know it has only been a few days but I miss NYC. I never thought of myself as much of a homesick type of person but I am feeling it now. I think it was because it was my niece's birthday party yesterday. I knew that my family was gathering far away and that I would not be able to attend. There were times in my life when I remember hating my family, despising them even. Now I treasure spending time with them more than anything else in the world.
"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they past...." I had a 39 year old mexican last night tell me about his life, his losses, and his loves. He told me about his young love when he was 16 years old. How that love was young and foolish and that it wasn't real love. It made me take a look at a love that i had revered for years, a love I held onto long after it was done more for dramatic affect than for any real sentiment. As we get older the things we need from love and the things we need from other people change. We find ourselves more independent, more cynical, less trusting, less vulnerable. We're just more weary overall. It makes the entire endeavor seem more and more impossible. I had a guy read my tarot cards when I was 13. I think he was like 15. I dunno, I was at some camp for the Arts or something. Anyway, the one thing that i took away from it was the guy saying that I would be tremendously successful in my life but lonely until the day I die. A little morbid, eh? Maybe that's why I am so obsessed with love/romance/etc. But I don't think it's true. First of all, where's the success. I always thought that is something were to happen in my life it would be like the Robin Williams character in Good Will Hunting. Where he is madly in love, but his wife dies of some terrible cancer. Is that morbid? Yes. I think I've always enjoyed the posture of the martyr. I don't know. 7 AM thoughts are the strangest..
Let it just be said that I have repeatedly risen at 6:30 AM here in Los Angeles. Not the most pleasurable feeling. I know it has only been a few days but I miss NYC. I never thought of myself as much of a homesick type of person but I am feeling it now. I think it was because it was my niece's birthday party yesterday. I knew that my family was gathering far away and that I would not be able to attend. There were times in my life when I remember hating my family, despising them even. Now I treasure spending time with them more than anything else in the world.
"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they past...." I had a 39 year old mexican last night tell me about his life, his losses, and his loves. He told me about his young love when he was 16 years old. How that love was young and foolish and that it wasn't real love. It made me take a look at a love that i had revered for years, a love I held onto long after it was done more for dramatic affect than for any real sentiment. As we get older the things we need from love and the things we need from other people change. We find ourselves more independent, more cynical, less trusting, less vulnerable. We're just more weary overall. It makes the entire endeavor seem more and more impossible. I had a guy read my tarot cards when I was 13. I think he was like 15. I dunno, I was at some camp for the Arts or something. Anyway, the one thing that i took away from it was the guy saying that I would be tremendously successful in my life but lonely until the day I die. A little morbid, eh? Maybe that's why I am so obsessed with love/romance/etc. But I don't think it's true. First of all, where's the success. I always thought that is something were to happen in my life it would be like the Robin Williams character in Good Will Hunting. Where he is madly in love, but his wife dies of some terrible cancer. Is that morbid? Yes. I think I've always enjoyed the posture of the martyr. I don't know. 7 AM thoughts are the strangest..
posted by Ben at 6:54 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home