Listening to Women Without Whiskey by Drive-By Truckers

I weighed myself a couple of days ago and found that I had lost some weight. I have not been going to the gym for about a month now. Does that make any sense? When I was going to the gym with Drew I was much better about staying longer. Now, when I go, I sort of zap in and zap out. And cardio? I fucking hate cardio. I have pretty good tone and muscle fitness but I think I definitely have one of those little tires that everybody is afraid of. You know what? I don't really mind. I mean, I could probably get rid of it if I killed the beer and worked my ass off, but it ain't gonna happen. And besides, I kinda like it at this point. I think I have earned it. I've never had a six pack. I've never been ripped. It's just not something that comes easily to me. I remember a Dubus passage where he was talking about older men's physiques and he said the one's that looked really good were either genetically predisposed or exceedingly vain. I appreciated that. I feel like I am not genetically predisposed and not exceedingly vain. But I will say this - when i do venture to the gym on a regular basis I feel like I have more energy, like I like myself and my body better, and that I can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Well, maybe not the last thing.
And about gym culture - I don't go crazy. I mean, some people are there ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I don't get that. It feels like a chore to me. A couple years ago I used ephedrin for a couple of months. I know it sounds fucked up, but the stuff worked. And it made me want to get up and go. My workouts were longer and more effective. Isn't that fucked up? But whatever. It worked for me. I know I don't have the greatest body, but I think people wouldn't hold it against me. Rather, I think they would want to hold it against them! Okay, okay, not funny. Fine. But after a while all of this hyped up value placed on aesthetics gets a little old. At least I hope so. Somebody pass me a donut.
But seriously, I think that men in this day and age get affronted by the exact same kind of body imagery that women in the society do. I am not saying that the comparison is there, but I think that I have tried a fair amount of diets, pushed myself at the gym, looked critically at my body and more often than not not liked what I saw. Isn't that strange? You know what - I think that a lot of guys would never admit it, they feel the same way. Or maybe not. Whatever. I don't know what inspired this entire tirade. I think it is because I am about to go to the gym and I am wondering why it is that I am going to go. Is it for the aesthetic, the energy, what?
I'll let you know when I get back.