Listening to Why I Cry by All-Time Quarterback

I think I have probably spent an inordinate amount of money on ITunes. I didn't play that much x-box today. I had dinner with my friend Sarah and I met her new boyfriend Dave. They seemed really happy together. They had put the tv in the bedroom. I said:
"TV in the bedroom. That means domestication!"
She said:
"I never put the TV in the bedroom!"
I said:
"See - domestication!"
Dave laughed. She laughed. I laughed.
In the car the other day my brother told me that he was going to take his kids to a weekend getaway at Six Flags to a hotel with an indoor water park. The hotel costs about 250 a night and includes free passes to the water park. When I commented on the high price of the hotel he said "It's only money."
Now before you go off and think that my brother is loaded and doesn't give a shit about money let me tell you a couple things. My brother and his wife make pretty good money. But I didn't expect him to express that sentiment. My Father and middle brother have always been very money conscious - not misers - just money conscious. It is a trait that I and my Mother do not possess. I have always made enough money to subsist at whatever level I may be living at, but a savings account? In New York City? Who has a savings account?
When my brother said that I felt especially proud of him. I guess that I have continually misjudged him throughout our lives. Or maybe he is just changing. He is willing to spend whatever amount of money for his kids to have more than we had growing up. WE WERE NOT POOR. He just wants the best for his kids. And who doesn't? I certainly would. Kids will fuck you up. I remember my Father holding my niece for the first time and I thought just how utterly humanizing it was. How devastatingly, utterly, beautifully vulnerable he became. And I wanted to laugh about all the times he had threatened to "take his belt off." He never did, mind you. But the threat would loom.
Hahaha. I just said "loom." That his how my father pronounces "Loam" in his Rhode Island accent.
I was raised primarily by my Mother. I think that is why I have always had an affinity for women. She taught me a lot about emotions, acting, impulses, intuition, sexuality, and hosting a damn good party. My Father's influence has sort of come on slowly in later years. You see -he was never really around. Now hold on, hold on, this ain't no sob story. I just wanted to speak to the fact that nowadays I often feel a lot closer to my Pop than to my Ma. I think that my Mother and I are so similar that we drive each other crazy. At least we use to. Now when I see them I see two people. Two individuals with their own insecurities, needs, desires, fears. parents didn't have those when I was growing up. They were sphinxes; riddle-speaking sages of unquestionable authority. I told my Mother once that some kids had offered me pot and I turned them down. I remember how she looked. She smiled and looked like I was too honest. like she couldn't believe that she had a child that would offer up that kind of information freely. I remember thinking "Wow. My Mom thinks I'm a really fucking lame kid." What can I say? I was a pretty sweet-hearted kid. Oftentimes I think that childish naivete is still there.
To this day I will give someone the benefit of the doubt again and again. My friend Sarah holds grudges. And she does it well. I, however, tend to forgive and forget. Maybe too easily. I've gotten better about it over the years, but barely. Sometimes I think a little animosity helps ease the pain, confusion, whatever. Other times I think it is an unnecessary emotion. Not true - I think it's necessary. But time and a place, right?