Listening To The Look Of Love By Burt Bacharach sung by Dusty Springfield

To be honest, I am unsure why I am listening to this song at this point in the morning. I think it is a very very sexy song and all I want to do is go the bathroom and eat some eggs and bacon. Not exactly what I would call sexy behavior. But then again, what would I call sexy behavior? Many times throughout my life (so far) I have tried to ask myself about my own sexuality (not orientation - just sexiness). I think that I am a human being that talks a lot about sex, thinks a lot about sex, enjoys having sex, but ultimately, is not sexy. Take, for example, this blog. This very entry for instance. Is it sexy to discuss what is sexy? No - it isn't.
I guess I just look at myself as a goofball with a weird sense of humor and a tendency towards borderline offensive behavior. I also thik that I am a very kind and understanding person with a boatload of integrity, but none of these qualitiess really apply when alking about sexiness.
So then, what it is? I mean, the paradigm for men typically is tall, dark, handsome, mysterious, right? For women, it is beautiful, alluring, mysterious, right? Those are supposed "sexy" qualities. But, I think in today's day and age we attrubute emptily sexual images with the concept of "sexiness." Maybe if there is one quality that all of these things share, it is confidence. But when I thikn about what I find sexy in women it is almost always the same thing, and not necessarily physical at all. I think a great sense of humor is sexy, intelligence, independence, kindness. These are all things that turn me on. Even if a woman gives me a little bit of shit, I love that too. But rarely to I ever find a mysterious alluring stranger sexy. I might lust after them briefly, but more often than not those people always seem to be lacking in the personality and bedroom department.
And speaking about the bedroom, I think for me to feel sexy in there, and probably for anyone to feel sexy in that situation, you have to be absolutely comfortable. I am not going to lie - I think that most men have some body issues too. I think that when you are being intimate with someone you want to feel like you are being loved aesthetically and mentally. That your partner, god forbid, is not harboring any sort of ill will towards your body. That, I think , is a product of the above socialization of what is "sexy" and what isn't.
When do I feel sexy, if ever? I guess I feel sexy when I put on the right clothes. When I say the "right" clothes I mean that on that day, whatever I am wearing comes together correctly and I feel like I look good. Like when I throw on a sharp suit, or my leather jacket, or jeans, a tee-shirt and my boots. That's it. That's the only time. And even that's not a sure fire thing. The only other time when I feel "sexy" i guess is much rarer. It's not when I make people laugh, or when I perform, it's intermittent and it has to do with a person's eyes. It's a rare thing, but every once in a while I will say or do something (maybe it's funny, or kind, or serious, or all three) and you can see a mix of desire, and admiration, lust and maybe even envy in the eyes of the person that you are talking to. If you're extremely fortunate, you may even see love in those eyes.
This look can happen in daily life, but it happens all the time in the eyes of someone that loves you. Out of all the women I have had sex with, I have been in love with very few, and each one gave me that look. And I, in return, gave them the look back.
I don't know what you would call it. Unconditional acceptance, unguarded love, unwavering acceptance and affection, whatever it is. Maybe that's what it is. Unconditional acceptance. No matter how you feel, or how you feel you look, that other person accepts everything about you unconditionally. As for the paradigm for "sexy" maybe those are individuals that just don't care what other people think. And that uncaring leads them to unconditionally accept themselves.
I think that everybody wants to feel sexy, or at least feel attractive, unless you're the uni-bomber. Then you just want a cabin and some fertilizer. But is it possible to feel sexy without other people for a reference? I think so. But that, again, has to do with the idea of confidence. Paul Newman once said that "sex symbols are sex symbols because they have time to rehearse." What he meant was, someone who is sexy on screen is someone who has been carefully crafted by many different people, including the screenwriter, director, the media, etc.
In our daily lives, sexiness is not just an image quality, or saying the right thing at the right time, or a laugh, or a smile, or a look, or what we wear, or how we move. It is all of these things. And it is all in the eye of the beholder.