Listening to: Radiation Vibe by Fountains of Wayne
Still Tired. Bet you're sick of hearing that. Went out last night with a bunch of guys that I did a children's show with about a year ago. My friend jess was wasted! And my brother and his wife showed up. that was nice. Nothing to really talk about there. I think Saturday was a little bit different. Me and my roomie went to dinner at the Soho House with my brother and his wife. We had a bottle of champagne, a couple bottles of white, lamb, tuna, monkfish, mozzarella.....the whole 9. It was very good. I ended up going with my roommate to meet up with her new beau at this place called Uncle Ming's in the East Village. New York was just beautiful last night. Even the herd of badly dancing NYUers couldn't kill my buzz. We basically closed the place down and Kristina stayed with her new guy and I hoofed it back to the subway. Getting a cab was a fucking joke last night. I came home drunk, stripped, and proceeded to chat until about 6 am whereupon I promptly passed out. When I opened my eyes this morning my computer was neatly placed on my chair. My chat window was open still and there was like a half hour where I didn't say anything. Oops.
Oh - so get this. The first thing I receive this morning at 10 am is a text message from the kiss on the cheek girl. It's all like "Enjoying the snow day?" I wasn't that angry this time. Nor even confused. Just sort of....well.....disappointed. I mean enough is enough, right? Who do you think I am? Whatever.
So I worked today. My best friend called again. More problems with his current girlfriend. He was asking me for advice. I think he is getting tired of the cyclical nature of his relationships. I understand where he's coming from. i mean, he is my mother-fucking best friend. Someone said to me at the bar today "I think every guy eventually comes to that realization." She was referring to the fact that I said I wasn't going to take my next relationship lightly. That I am waiting for something that is worth waiting for, if that makes any sense. It is also the reason that I HAVEN'T BEEN LAID SINCE AUGUST!!!!!
But who's counting (5 months, 13 days, 23 hours, seven minutes).
My best friend sees that the women he dates are worthy of receiving love, he is just incapable of giving it to them. And that almost always makes them want to stay with him. I told him he should try pursuing somebody. Find someone that you think is really incredible and go after them. Of course, it's not always that easy. I think for something long term to work out there has to be a balance of desire and need from both sides. It may not be the same thing that each side needs, but the level of it has to be the same. And it can't just be money. We always find ourselves running from the people that are running towards us, and running towards the people that are running away. Why is that? What is it about someone else that repels us when they tell us that we are worthy of their love. Is it because in our heart of hearts we know what disgusting animals we really are? That we can so conveniently reflect on the wreckage of past relationships as if they were yesterday? But is that a reason not to try and pursue it anyway? Who are these people with perfect relationships? Where are they? They don't exist. Everything needs a little work, but I am not going to start off with a real fix-me-up of a girlfriend. Okay okay I'm boring myself.
I ordered chinese food. I know I know. Foreign Fast Food. But I love it
Especially the spicy mustard.
That's the best.
Okay, not bored anymore. There's something lyrical and just that sings in everyone's heart. It's a thing that becomes more wilted and crumpled the more you try to explain it or put it into words. You can express it sometimes, but usually it is through song or dance or movement. That is the thing that stands up and sings when you meet the person that you will fall in love with. Some people find it once in their lifetime, some people more. Some people never find it. They are in love with other people, but that love achieves a kind of pragmatism that is beautiful in it's own way. I am not saying that one is better than another, I just think that different people belong to different camps. I happen to subscribe to the former, wishing upon a star, starry-eyed, Nora Ephron school of thought. But that's just me.
My other two best friends Casey and Megan are going to get married this summer. They are inviting my high school sweetheart to the wedding. There were years when I thought the sun and the moon rose and fell for this girl. Even after we had broken up. She was the one that taught me what love, infatuation, need, adoration, happiness, sex, etc was all about. You know- first cut is the deepest and all that. I think that by the time I got over her my friends were so sick of hearing me talk about her that they would have gladly killed me to put me out of my misery.
Youth!
And now that I'm older? I dunno how much I have learned. I think that I am still willing to get burned. I think that as you get older you just become less content with the interactions that were passable in, say, college. A lot of those relationships you knew weren't going to be final or ultimate but that didn't make you hesitate. These days I just don't have the time or the energy to waste on anyone that I won't think will be extraordinary.
My sister-in-law was telling me that my mother told her that she (my Ma) and my Pop are getting along better than they ever have. I took a lot of solace in that. I mean, 36 years is a long ass time. Just the fact that they are still together is an impressive enough feat. But for them to be happy again - well I find that very satisfying.
Still Tired. Bet you're sick of hearing that. Went out last night with a bunch of guys that I did a children's show with about a year ago. My friend jess was wasted! And my brother and his wife showed up. that was nice. Nothing to really talk about there. I think Saturday was a little bit different. Me and my roomie went to dinner at the Soho House with my brother and his wife. We had a bottle of champagne, a couple bottles of white, lamb, tuna, monkfish, mozzarella.....the whole 9. It was very good. I ended up going with my roommate to meet up with her new beau at this place called Uncle Ming's in the East Village. New York was just beautiful last night. Even the herd of badly dancing NYUers couldn't kill my buzz. We basically closed the place down and Kristina stayed with her new guy and I hoofed it back to the subway. Getting a cab was a fucking joke last night. I came home drunk, stripped, and proceeded to chat until about 6 am whereupon I promptly passed out. When I opened my eyes this morning my computer was neatly placed on my chair. My chat window was open still and there was like a half hour where I didn't say anything. Oops.
Oh - so get this. The first thing I receive this morning at 10 am is a text message from the kiss on the cheek girl. It's all like "Enjoying the snow day?" I wasn't that angry this time. Nor even confused. Just sort of....well.....disappointed. I mean enough is enough, right? Who do you think I am? Whatever.
So I worked today. My best friend called again. More problems with his current girlfriend. He was asking me for advice. I think he is getting tired of the cyclical nature of his relationships. I understand where he's coming from. i mean, he is my mother-fucking best friend. Someone said to me at the bar today "I think every guy eventually comes to that realization." She was referring to the fact that I said I wasn't going to take my next relationship lightly. That I am waiting for something that is worth waiting for, if that makes any sense. It is also the reason that I HAVEN'T BEEN LAID SINCE AUGUST!!!!!
But who's counting (5 months, 13 days, 23 hours, seven minutes).
My best friend sees that the women he dates are worthy of receiving love, he is just incapable of giving it to them. And that almost always makes them want to stay with him. I told him he should try pursuing somebody. Find someone that you think is really incredible and go after them. Of course, it's not always that easy. I think for something long term to work out there has to be a balance of desire and need from both sides. It may not be the same thing that each side needs, but the level of it has to be the same. And it can't just be money. We always find ourselves running from the people that are running towards us, and running towards the people that are running away. Why is that? What is it about someone else that repels us when they tell us that we are worthy of their love. Is it because in our heart of hearts we know what disgusting animals we really are? That we can so conveniently reflect on the wreckage of past relationships as if they were yesterday? But is that a reason not to try and pursue it anyway? Who are these people with perfect relationships? Where are they? They don't exist. Everything needs a little work, but I am not going to start off with a real fix-me-up of a girlfriend. Okay okay I'm boring myself.
I ordered chinese food. I know I know. Foreign Fast Food. But I love it
Especially the spicy mustard.
That's the best.
Okay, not bored anymore. There's something lyrical and just that sings in everyone's heart. It's a thing that becomes more wilted and crumpled the more you try to explain it or put it into words. You can express it sometimes, but usually it is through song or dance or movement. That is the thing that stands up and sings when you meet the person that you will fall in love with. Some people find it once in their lifetime, some people more. Some people never find it. They are in love with other people, but that love achieves a kind of pragmatism that is beautiful in it's own way. I am not saying that one is better than another, I just think that different people belong to different camps. I happen to subscribe to the former, wishing upon a star, starry-eyed, Nora Ephron school of thought. But that's just me.
My other two best friends Casey and Megan are going to get married this summer. They are inviting my high school sweetheart to the wedding. There were years when I thought the sun and the moon rose and fell for this girl. Even after we had broken up. She was the one that taught me what love, infatuation, need, adoration, happiness, sex, etc was all about. You know- first cut is the deepest and all that. I think that by the time I got over her my friends were so sick of hearing me talk about her that they would have gladly killed me to put me out of my misery.
Youth!
And now that I'm older? I dunno how much I have learned. I think that I am still willing to get burned. I think that as you get older you just become less content with the interactions that were passable in, say, college. A lot of those relationships you knew weren't going to be final or ultimate but that didn't make you hesitate. These days I just don't have the time or the energy to waste on anyone that I won't think will be extraordinary.
My sister-in-law was telling me that my mother told her that she (my Ma) and my Pop are getting along better than they ever have. I took a lot of solace in that. I mean, 36 years is a long ass time. Just the fact that they are still together is an impressive enough feat. But for them to be happy again - well I find that very satisfying.
posted by Ben at 11:16 PM
1 Comments:
ive said it before and im sure ill say it again. you are something else, rameaka. its 530 am and i cant sleep so im reading your blog and its making me think about my first love and the sun and the moon rising and setting on people and now im laying here hoping i always remember that the sun will continue to rise and set no matter who i love and who loves me. if i knew how to chat, i would try to chat with you right now. good night.
-m
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