You know what?
I'm not going to shy away from it. I'm lonely. I'm not the loneliest I have ever been, but I am definitely lonely. I'm not without options - I am a normal healthy alright looking guy. I've turned down a couple dates here and there. So what am I complaining about? The lack of poon? The enormous expanse of my mattress left empty every night? Cooking for one? Arguing over video tapes? Thinking about someone when they're not around? Smelling phantom perfume? Perhaps it's an envy of other people's relationships? My roommate says "You have your entire life to find somebody. Why are you in such a rush now?" Or at least she used to say it.
My best friend is a serial monogamist. Over Xmas we sat down and tallied up his past relationships. Since college, approx. 7 yrs ago, he has been single for about 3 months. Mind you, he has had about 5 girlfriends during that time. I, however, am the complete opposite. My longest relationship to date has been just shy of a year. Are either of us correct? Is there such a thing as "correctness" in relationships? Probably not.
Quick side note: My best friend recently called me with a story about his present ex-girlfriend and ow she flipped out and asked him to move in while she was drunk. I'm not being weird - she really flipped out. The point is that he is my best friend. A dude that I would give organs for, and I feel like he only calls me to talk about sex and/or dating woes. We are very similar and are pursuing these dreams and sometimes I feel like our communication is just getting distilled to these women talks. Which is fine, but sort of reinforces what I was talking about above, which is............
The fact that I go long periods of time without anyone significant. I think that somewhere along the line I developed this irrational reverence for love and romance. I'm just like everyone else I tend to think. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe all things romantic weigh more on my mind than the average Joe. You know what? I think that is correct. I think I obsess entirely too much about being in love. I mean, first of all, does the obsessing help accelerate the rate at which I will find it? No. Does the obsessing help me end this cycle of pining and whining and creating meaningless 2 month realtionships? Does it help pay the bills I get from renting so many romantic comedies? Buying love songs on itunes? No. None of it. So what good is it at all? Not much. I keep on practicing and practicing to be this really great thing. A great guy, a great son, a great friend, a great boyfriend/husband/lover. Cause it's all rolled into one. I just keep working on myself. And that's it. That's all you can do. You have to be open and honest with yourself and just keep working til the day you die. And part of that is the yearning and the loneliness and the dissatisfaction. And that's all okay. Cause one of the best things you can say is that i did the best I could with the tools I was given. Actually, it's just about the only thing you can say.
I'm not going to shy away from it. I'm lonely. I'm not the loneliest I have ever been, but I am definitely lonely. I'm not without options - I am a normal healthy alright looking guy. I've turned down a couple dates here and there. So what am I complaining about? The lack of poon? The enormous expanse of my mattress left empty every night? Cooking for one? Arguing over video tapes? Thinking about someone when they're not around? Smelling phantom perfume? Perhaps it's an envy of other people's relationships? My roommate says "You have your entire life to find somebody. Why are you in such a rush now?" Or at least she used to say it.
My best friend is a serial monogamist. Over Xmas we sat down and tallied up his past relationships. Since college, approx. 7 yrs ago, he has been single for about 3 months. Mind you, he has had about 5 girlfriends during that time. I, however, am the complete opposite. My longest relationship to date has been just shy of a year. Are either of us correct? Is there such a thing as "correctness" in relationships? Probably not.
Quick side note: My best friend recently called me with a story about his present ex-girlfriend and ow she flipped out and asked him to move in while she was drunk. I'm not being weird - she really flipped out. The point is that he is my best friend. A dude that I would give organs for, and I feel like he only calls me to talk about sex and/or dating woes. We are very similar and are pursuing these dreams and sometimes I feel like our communication is just getting distilled to these women talks. Which is fine, but sort of reinforces what I was talking about above, which is............
The fact that I go long periods of time without anyone significant. I think that somewhere along the line I developed this irrational reverence for love and romance. I'm just like everyone else I tend to think. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe all things romantic weigh more on my mind than the average Joe. You know what? I think that is correct. I think I obsess entirely too much about being in love. I mean, first of all, does the obsessing help accelerate the rate at which I will find it? No. Does the obsessing help me end this cycle of pining and whining and creating meaningless 2 month realtionships? Does it help pay the bills I get from renting so many romantic comedies? Buying love songs on itunes? No. None of it. So what good is it at all? Not much. I keep on practicing and practicing to be this really great thing. A great guy, a great son, a great friend, a great boyfriend/husband/lover. Cause it's all rolled into one. I just keep working on myself. And that's it. That's all you can do. You have to be open and honest with yourself and just keep working til the day you die. And part of that is the yearning and the loneliness and the dissatisfaction. And that's all okay. Cause one of the best things you can say is that i did the best I could with the tools I was given. Actually, it's just about the only thing you can say.
posted by Ben at 7:55 PM
1 Comments:
If i had ever needed a snowsuit i definitely would have pooped in it. But i probably wouldn't have told anyone.
-m
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