Listening to Vampire Forest Fire by Arcade Fire

I feel tired. I was up late last night after working. I kind of got asked out on a date. I stress "kind of." It was by a woman I work with. In the middle of a conversation she just said "Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to go out to dinner when we got back to New York, but you took that joke a little too far and now we can't. That's just like an actor. Besides, that's not something you would want to do anyway, right? I mean, go out to dinner, right?"
Now - i recognize that there is a lot going on in this little scenario. I mean, disregarding the insult about actors (although my joke about offering to show that my scrotum resembles an Easter fruit basket may have been pushing it) it was such a bizarre non sequitur/insecurely asked question. I was totally lost and taken aback.
I know that there is no real easy way to ask people that you might be interested in to spend more time with you. But that was just bizarre. I bring it up because I always feel like that is the most awkward moment in relationships. I remember asking my high school sweetheart if I could kiss her while we were watching a movie on my parent's basement couch. I mean, we had been watching the movie for like 2 hours, I probably was "pitching a tent" and still too scared to make a move.
Is that part of the growing up aspect of romance? The fact that I had a girl in my basement alone, that she had said yes to that, and yet I still was afraid that she didn't want to make out with me? Well.....yes. That innocence can probably never be regained. But I still hold to the fact that I have to be hit over the head before realizing that someone is interested in me.
It's like Groucho Marx said: "Why would I want to be part of a club that would have me as a member?"
In relationships we already know how fucked up we are and how unlovable we can see ourselves sometimes. And so we are continually amazed and confused when someone is like "Hey! I'll love you. I would love to love you. In fact - I can't think of anything better than loving you, warts and all, except maybe Chipotle Mexican Grill. When faced with that prospect I am always kind of like "Wha?!?!"
That's why the people that chase us are so very often the people we run away from the fastest. Which is not to say that we should give everybody that comes down the pipeline a fair shake. Nosiree! Trust me on that one. But if we're lucky enough to meet someone that can meet us on so many levels - somebody that makes all the same turns as we do, somebody that sees something inherently lovable within us and we feel the same about them then I would say that that just about seals the deal.