Listening to Nothing Came Out by Moldy Peaches

Went to the gym today. I ran 3 miles. Not exactly the most fun thing I can think of, but it felt good to do some physical exertion. I had my improv class tonight as well. Also fun, though a little bit less satisfying. There's definitely a love hate relationship with the performance arts. You NEED and audience, yet in some strange way you resent them. I mean, they are judging you. And then there's the entire esteem thing - the desire to just be adored and revered by complete and total strangers. You can't tell me that people don't like the attention.
And trying to wrap your head around a process. Really unlikeable. Having to analyze how to go about doing something you really enjoy can sap a lot of fun out of it. And again I return to this idea that life is just a means to pass the time. Like moment after moment of redundancy sporadically broken up by stimulating and amazing moments. Un-boring moments. But these lulls are kind of getting me down. And I can feel myself anesthetizing myself through video games, and pizza, and naps. I would much prefer to be busy. And in some weird way, I am really busy.
Maybe this all goes back to high school - when I would load and load and load up my plate until I was doing everything borderline shittily. Now that there is a little bit of balance in my life I want every waking moment to be filled with something stimulating. Jeez- stop and smell the roses, dick.
Okay - okay - maybe it's good that I don't have something to do during every waking moment of every day. Like this wekk - Improv stuff on Monday and Tuesday, audition Wed morning, work Wednesday night. Thursday morning free - work Thursday night. Friday all off. Work Saturday, have Sunday off (though I will undoubtedly be going to see Hot Fuzz with my girlfriend).
Doesn't seem like much, but my weeks are so segmented between improv and work that I feel like they are lifetimes apart when I am doing one of them. I suppose that is how life is. There's a guy at my work work that continually says that you can't compartmentalize your life - that you have to live it the same regardless of whether you are mailing a letter or delivering a rousing speech. I think he likes to live his life "impassioned." I agree with him. You should not compartmentalize. But, I believe that people DON'T compartmentalize. If you're an asshole to your boss, you're an asshole across the board. Maybe you are just more adept at covering it up. Maybe not. My girlfriend says it is evident in people's practice. But can you change your innate prerogatives? Like, for instance, I am kind of a last minute slapdash procrastinator. In improv that works. In crisis management that might work too. Accounting..not so much. I think the way you act is inherent in all of your behavior. I am not an incredibly responsible in one aspect of my life - I just happen to fly by the seat of my pants in a very convincing way in most areas of my life.

There's something wrong with my outgoing mail. My Mac account is being all funky and not sending stuff out. I did, however, receive an e-mail from my girlfriend (yes, girlfriend - shocking isn't it?) telling me that I was being lazy for not going to her yoga class tis morning. I cannot get my ass to exercise lately. I always want to put a "C" in the middle of that word. As if it was exCercise. We all know that's wrong.
I don't know why I am posting this. I haven't written anything in months. Not since close to my birthday I think. My life is really structured these days, and much happier. I work at a place called Devin Tavern (devintavern.com) Wed-Saturday, and then on Sun-Tuesday I am practicing improv comedy. When I have free time I hang out with my girlfriend and play nintendo Wii. Family's the same. I rarely see a lot of my good friends and, even more rarely, excercise or mope. Which is strange I think. I just entered a cocktail competition. If I win I get to go to Martinique for three days.
I just nought a new pair of shoes. Blundstones. They're awesome.
um.....
Am I boring? Do you get boring when you're happy? I have nothing to report that may or may not be legitimately entertaining. Is it because I am happy? Were my previous posts that stimulating? Probably not - I bet they were really mopey. I stopped listening to depressing music before I go to bed. I think that helps a lot. Now I just fall asleep to silence. And car alarms. My roommate moved out. Now I have the front room. It's bigger, sunnier, noisier, and I am never there. My girlfriend wants to move out of the city. My best friend wants to move to LA. I feel like there is no place in the world I could see myself being. I don't want to drive all the time. I feel like everything is just beginning to click and already I am going to have to shift it all around. More money would be nice, but you know what Biggie said...
sigh.
Even my faux hip-hop jokes ring false.
Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill. It has my endorsement. Read it.
Compeltely missed Kurt Vonnegut dying last week. That makes me a douche. Cat's Cradle. Read it. I'm leaving for my improv rehearsal now. That's it.