Listening to Ida (the song where "I'll be waiting" repeats over and over)

My ex Alex is in town for the weekend. We went out for a couple of beers yesterday afternoon. Remind anyone of a Paul Simon song? We ended up having a pretty lengthy discussion about our past, our present relationships, our hopes for the future, etc. She's embroiled in a pretty deep romance with a fine gentleman named Christopher. In a few weeks Chris will be off to pursue his dreams in Alaska for about 6 months. Alex is much more magnetized to urban centers. Though they care very deeply about each other, and are going to remain together over this immense amount of distance, Alex couldn't help but lament the difficulties of such separation.
After an afternoon of beer, bourbon and steak tartare we came back to my apartment, watched some of the Red Sox game, and her friend Emily stopped by and they went out for a night on the town. I felt like an old man and went to sleep. Today, I can't help but feel like we had accomplished something significant in our discourse. It was closure. Not closure on our relationship, as that will continue to evolve over the coming years, but a sense of closure on our romantic lives. It was a very nice moment for me. Historically, I have not been the best at maintaining post-relationship relationships. There are many tee-shirts, DVDs, books, and other articles that I wish I could recover from past ... conflagrations ... but, alas, when it comes time to end things I have always been of the school of ripping the band-aid off as quickly as possible.
Since I have made a concerted effort in the past year to only date women that I think I could really truly fall in love with I have also decided to be better about staying in touch afterwards. In the past, I only stopped communication because I thought it would be damaging to both parties. It's amazing how things can occur and open your eyes to the relative gravity of your feelings. That seems to be the case with me sometimes. After dating a woman for a week she was hit by a car. Yes, by a car. Her family descended on her, her friends were all there, and I was there too. Just sort of lost. I felt like an intruder. And in a way, I was. She also happened to fall asleep once while we were having sex. Needless to say, once she was in better health I ended up leaving the relationship. It's not something I am proud of, but an exit is still an exit regardless of whether it is graceful or clumsy.
And when things end, if the answer isn't clean cut like you have leprosy or something, the offended party always seems to want to know. This has always bothered me too. Please - tell me why you don't find me attractive. I want to make sure that I have something to dwell on in the next couple of lonely months. Why torture yourself? I had a girl ask me why we wouldn't go out on a second date when I declined her invitation. I didn't reply to her e-mail. Is it better to say nothing at all? I think so. And how much cold comfort can you get out of someone saying "I just wasn't feeling it."
I have been daydreaming of blue skies and green fields and a warm breeze lately. I have been thinking of southern Vermont. The countryside spread out before me with nary a car in site. The smell of hay and freshly shorn grass. I woke up this morning feeling a little touch of misery in the pit of my stomach. I think I may need a vacation. Maybe just a step away from things for a little while. My brothers think that my life is a vacation. Most of the time I am inclined to believe them. Other times not so much. For all of you out there that need an escape, I hope that you find some small solace in your daily ritual today. Some little a-rhythmic blip that helps shock you out of your comatose state and allows you a glimpse at a time when you were a little bit happier.
Tonight I am off for drinks with married friends. Should be interesting. And oh yes, took this camera phone picture with a friend last night. It is called "Angry and drinking YooHoo."