Listening To Alive and Kicking by Simple Minds

Now it's 1 pm and minutes before I have to leave for work in Brooklyn. WARNING: THE FOLLOWING BLOG ENTRY IS GOING TO BE REPULSIVELY GRAPHIC AND HONEST IN ITS CONTENT. IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A WEAK STOMACH, RECENTLY PREGNANT, OR OTHERWISE UNABLE TO HANDLE CONTENT RELATING TO FECES, OR ... WELL REALLY JUST FECES, PLEASE SKIP THE NEXT PARAGRAPH.
I think that my leat favorite part about being hungover would have to be the morning poop. All I can really think about is a champagne bottle. The first poop you have is like the cork. NIce and satisfying and solid, a resounding "pop," and all you can think about is how the rest is going to continue that way. But no. Oh no no no. The rest always ends up coming out like an expensive frothy mess. Foaming out of your bum like a cheap bottle of, well, bubbly. And i have done everything I could to prevent it. I think I ate a block and a half of cheese before I went to sleep last night. I definitely did not eat ... what is that?. .. peanuts? Jalepenos? I mean - there is definitely a burning sensation going on right now. I warned you. Don't say I didn't.
And how is it that our rational mind has no answers for battling our hangover? Do you know what my answer to getting over the losing battle I am having with Jack Daniels right now? I went to my fridge looking for something, really anything, to drink to re-hydrate. I found expired milk and thought "Hey! I can save it if I add chocolate syrup. Chocolate syrup has preservatives!" So I made expired chocolate and drank it. Then I had a vanilla creme soda and an Advil. All of this because my hungover mind thought "Hey - expired milk, creme soda, and advil! That's what we need! YAY!" Um ... No. No it's not.
And the worst is the hangover shower. Like it really does anything. It doesn't feel good. And I never want the water to touch my face. When i'm hungover it freaks me out. Weird, right? Sometimes I take a freezing cold shower. Like if I am really hungover (drunk still, actually) and I have to go in to work or something after an hour's worth of sleep. I hate having that sticky skin feeling. That stink like booze thing. And none of your clothes feel comfortable. And if you have one cigarette the next day the hangover comes pounding back like a ferocious rabid tiger. Sigh. I'll get back to you in a few hours.