Listening to NFL Live on ESPN

Doug Flutie is retiring from the NFL. This tiny little scrappy dude from Massachusetts born under a lucky star. Amazing.





I am not sure if there is much to talk about. I sometimes check on my blog to see if there is anything new posted. There isn't. I woke up at 9 am this morning to pouring rain and overcast sky. I went back to sleep. I think I am going through a little bit of a success hangover. After getting a lot of attention from three or so spots I landed there hasn't been much else going on. So now I am beginning to feel the wheels spinning. Last night I walked into my apartment and felt incredibly dissatisfied. When we moved into my place, my roommate and I, we decided that she would have the larger bedroom. When I came home from work I thought that maybe ... sigh. Here I go again. Grass is greener, right? I think things have been a little stagnant at work, for some reason I am resisting lining up my plans for the several weddings I have to attend this summer, and not really thinking about an impending family vacation this August. Is there something missing? I think that I have been really unfulfilled by my working life lately. Sometimes I imagine that something will come along, some strange stroke of luck that will enable me to sustain some kind of creative happiness. I don't know. It just gets more and more difficult to keep chasing after something that is completely contingent upon other people's subjective decisions. And you see lofty dreams slowly dissipate in the face of every day life and its demands. And I don't even have any real demands! Maybe I am just getting older and I am ... I don't know what I am...
It's kind of like 40 year old Virgin - maybe eventually the big payoff will happen. Sigh. I don't know. That was probably the worst analogy I could have ever come up with. Yeah...
I have to work a private party tonight from 2 am until 6 am. Not exactly my favorite thing to do. My sleep cycle is getting all fucked up, I haven't spoken to any of my friends in a long time. Haven't seen or petted a dog in a long time. I think I am even getting bored with masturbation. Wow. Good times, good times. I need a vacation from myself. Ever think about that? It's a huge city. Ever think about creating an entirely different persona? Just going out, dressing differently, acting differently? I have been thinking about that lately. Think about buying a motorcycle. Taking a year off. Traveling. Seeing more than just this city that i have been in for the past 6 years. There are no sheets on my bed. Bad sign. I haven't shaved in days. Another bad sign. All I have eaten over the past three days are a caesar salad, salami, cheese and triscuits, bacon, and sweet and sour chicken. Bad sign.
I am not in a particularly bad mood. I am just trying to categorically list some things that .. . No - I don't really know what I am trying to do. Just trying to unscramble some things that have been swirling around my head. Or, trying to make sense of the nothing that is not swirling around my head.